Withdrawal

I've been feeling very crappy the past few days. 
The world seems to be so much more irritating now. And I was hoping that wouldn't be possible. But it is, and the world seems to be a bigger bitch than usual.
I wonder if this is withdrawal. It's only been a few days, but I'm already feeling like crap. I hate being bored. The only books I have are really, really thick classics and, while I do want to read them, I feel too crappy to put in the effort to read those things even though I want to stave off the boredom. 


It's awful. 


I didn't think this would be this difficult.
I'm starting to wonder if I really was addicted to manga and anime... I mean, it's really the only thing I ever did.


And my mother even told me not to watch anime. 
And if I watch it, I know she's gonna catch me. And she might throw out the manga and anime I have. I always turn to some kind of comic anime and I always burst out laughing at something, so she's gonna know sooner or later, and then *BAM!* hundreds of, maybe even a thousand dollars of manga and anime GONE. I am not letting that happen.


But they went and finally made anime for a bunch of manga I like, so... well... beautiful timing, mother. You should get an award. 


And I feel like my brother always gets especially idiotic whenever I'm pissed, but maybe I just get too sensitive and it bothers me more. It takes a lot of mental capacity and effort to not scream at him.


And over pretty little things.
But it's still really, really annoying. No one ever apologizes. He keeps boasting about how much more polite he is than his peers. Wow. His middle school must have gotten a lot worse from when I was in there. Seriously. I'm sure even teenagers from Houston would apologize when they see they made someone angry.


Is there some kind of unwritten law that says one may be impolite to family? That one should be nicer to strangers? I mean, well, I guess I am meaner to people I'm close to, but I'm still polite. 


I shouldn't even be ranting about this. 
But it's really bothering me.
And the computer gods seem to be hating me more than usual, or am I just seeing it more?


_______________


On Friday, I was talking to friend S in PE, and I was probably talking about something cynical and said that humans probably lasted this long cuz we're so good at killing stuff. And I think she took it as in we're being too mean to animals and said, "Yeah! We should all go vegetarian!"


Me: (jokingly, though it's true) What? But plants are living, too.
S: Yeah, but plants aren't as alive as animals.
Me: Not as alive? What are you talking about? They're still living things.
S: But they're not as alive. They can't move or anything.


But plants reproduce, grow and develop, react to their surroundings, and all the stuff my biology teacher said all living things do. 


If there's something "not as alive" as animals, it'd be viruses, right? Cuz they can't reproduce or develop by themselves. 


Plants are still "as alive" as animals are, right?
Or am I just going crazy as a result of no anime and need to get myself professional help as soon as possible?


I didn't mention it to make S seem like an idiot. It just surprised me.






Also, that same Friday, S invited me to a party.
This is significant.


No one has invited me to a party for years.
The last one I went to was in 1st grade, and it was my own birthday party.


Wait, no, that's a lie. There's been one other since I moved here. You know, since going to parties started being mandatory to teenager-hood and not just a fun thing. One other. The sweet 16 of a Vietnamese friend. I didn't even think I was that close to her.


And I thought that was very touching. Every other time, people just don't think of inviting me, forget about me, or in some other way I stop existing when they invite people. 


And sometimes they tell me it's cuz they don't think I'd want to go.
And I probably wouldn't. 
Teenage parties are scary.
Not that I'd know.
But I've heard many scary things about them. 


But if they're trying to be so "considerate," I wish they wouldn't go,


"OH MY GOD, DUDE!! You didn't go?!"


Um... no... no one invited me...


"But EVERYONE in the F****ING school AND another school went!"


Sorry for not existing. :|


It's the same thing with everyone knowing each other. Except me. It'll be, 


Friend: What? You don't know *name*?
Me: No... no one introduced me to him/her.... (I've never seen or heard of this person in my life.... I think I'm going crazy again...) 
Friend: But everyone knows *name*!
Me:Oh... uh... sorry for not existing.
Friend: I thought someone introduced him/her to you. Oh well. *keeps talking with no idea how much she'd (it's always a girl who does this to me. WHY???) just insulted me and has no idea why I'm so pissed later*


Anyway, I thought that was very nice of her, and she was probably a bit scared at how happy I was, but my parents were still mad at me for the grades and my dad would probably be too scared for my life and wouldn't let me go anyway. Though, it seems only 4 people went anyway... All people I know... but still...


And so I couldn't go.


For some reason, I can't get used to always being left out.
Maybe it's because they're always rubbing it in my face. They do it so much, I wonder if it's intentional. And then I just laugh about how I'll end up a hermit and go throw darts at their pictures later. Why are people always so insensitive? I guess I can be a bit insensitive at times, too... but that kind of thing, on my part, is intentional. It's how I'm always teasing them. Though no one seems to understand that, either...


I really feel the biggest social failure here is me. ):


I can never get used to how often I feel like I'm going crazy.


________________


I probably had something more intelligent to say--


Yeah, that's always the excuse, isn't it?


Aw, man, it's back.


It?


Well... you really are just words on a screen...


YOU are the one who gave us genders! Don't turn around and call us "it's"!!


But she only called you an it. That "it" was singular. :)


You wanna shut up?


Erm... no, not really. Why? :)


Damn, why the hell is he so happy today?


I don't know. Insensitive brat.


What? How am I being insensitive??


Well... it is male. You can't expect one to understand.


Wha? Bu... what does that have to do with it?? YOU'RE the one who made me male! Don't blame me for it!!


I'm not blaming you. I mean, it's not your fault you're insensitive and have the emotional capacity of a paper cut.


That makes no sense!!


Aw, he doesn't get it.


Typical.


Wai... wait, are they ganging up on me??? DON'T TAKE OUT YOUR FRUSTRATIONS ON ME!!!


Oh, wow! I think he just got a sliver of intelligence for a second!!


Amazing. Today's... 10/10/10. Wow, something amazing did happen today!!


What? You guys are so mean to me! I'm LEAVING!!


Aw, I think he got mad.


*DOOR SLAMS*


Aw... he left....


... *snort*
That was fun.


Yes, it was. We should do it again sometime.


Emotional capacity of a paper cut? Genius. He never got it.


Ah, he's not smart enough to tell when something doesn't mean anything.


He'll get over it eventually.


Yes, he will. I hope. Well, if he doesn't... we'll apologize?


... I'm sure he'll get over it! (No way I'm apologizing to the likes of him!)


But we were a bit mean...


...


I'm sure he'll get over it!


Yeah! We're all friends here! We know when we're joking!!


...


I feel like eating ice cream.
*goes to get some from the freezer*