I don't necessarily agree with everything I say.
-Marshall McLuhan

30 September 2010

In which I rant about things of no consequence, so go ahead and skip this, eh?

I'm not exactly sure when was the last time I posted, but I felt a bit nostalgic and perhaps a bit melancholy (melanstalgic? Okay, okay, okay. But I remembered a friend from elementary school would always be sticking two words together. Like scangry, scary and angry :) ) so I decided, hey, I may as well post.


Oh, and I'm scanning my webcomic! Woohoo, you get to FINALLY see that abysmal mindlessness and laugh and jeer at it cruely like a whole... eighth? of the population of my middle school did when I was the cartoonist there!
I actually have idea how many people actually actually knew we had a newspaper, and out of that, I don't know how many actually read it...


I kind of miss my friends from elementary school, now.
That's a lie.
No, not really. I do miss them, but it's more... I'm curious as to how much they've changed. I know that I've changed quite a bit, but I also know a lot of fundamental things about me have not changed, and I think I'm still the same as I was in elementary school in the most basic ways. 


And I want to know how much they've changed. I bet they all got a lot taller, and I bet they aged quite a bit. I mean, it's been years. Would I still recognize them? Would they recognize me? The guys' voices will have all gotten deeper, too. I bet that would really throw me off guard. When it's a gradual change, and you've been there the whole time, you don't notice it. But I haven't met them for years and years. I wonder how deep their voices got. Did that one guy get better at drawing and writing? Does he still hate me for being so critical? I guess they still remember all my grammar lectures... *sigh*


It's not so much that I miss them, but I want to know how much they've changed. I mean, if I were to chat with them on facebook or something, it'd probably be like "yeah, I guess I changed a bit, idk." But I kind of want to see for myself. I don't know... I don't feel an urge to go back and live my life how it was anymore. I just want to gauge how much of a distance has grown. I mean, one of them went and friended me, and I didn't even approach him first. 


I guess I sound like an old man. (old woman?) 
But it's been bothering me a bit lately. Actually, just today. I don't really have the mental presence (haven't for a while, now) to remember what bothered me (besides homework) the past few weeks. 
And I see them "liking" the same things as a lot of my friends from hear. Even when i first moved here, I thought "wow, maybe they're not so different after all"


and then I get all not cynical and vaguely think that we're all human here, and we're all people. Blah blah blah, even though we're from different countries, we're still the same. We're all idiots. So I should stop beating myself up for every little thing. And then I get sidetracked and forget about what I was thinking about, and that thought gets lost. 


I don't know, I felt all sentimental. 
It's weird. It's not that I want to go back. I just want to know. I hate not knowing and everything being vague.


I suppose it's time to put it all behind me, and I really have.
I just want to know how much they've changed. 
Time is the quality of life that keeps everything from happening all at once. Lately, it doesn't seem to be working. 


I don't remember who said that.


My dad said we feel "time" because of change. A change in position, a change in color or stability. Things are a certain way. They change. They are different now. We feel time because we know there was a point, an instance when things were not like this. And we also know that there were actions directly related to each other that caused something to change. I know my dad meant it in the most scientific way possible, but I think that's a just a bit sad.
Just a little.


I never particularly liked growing up. I had my first huge gasp-inducing revelation in fourth grade, I think. The first real serious one. The one where I realized no one wanted to listen to what I had to say.


It sounds very obvious, but when you were in fourth grade and you had the whole world (meaning your house and all the streets from it to school and the mall and grocery) in front of you and just waiting to be defined quite definitely by your childish, ineloquent, ignorant words, you feel like everything you have to say is absolute. Your words are correct. Either way, to you at least, they are new. And thus, they are interesting. To you. And you assume everyone else is interested in your words. This isn't just in elementary school, either. It's an everyday thing no one seems to be able to outgrow. 


So when I realized that no one really cared. It's not even that they don't care. They actively wish to NOT hear my words. They're not just at a neutral irritation. They are completely biased against everything you want to say. They actively want you to shut up because they do not want to hear what you have to say.


I found this very amazing.
I'd always wondered why people always seemed so... agitated when I started talking and talking. I think a lot of people just ignored it and kept talking. I did, too. But I still noticed it. And you have to notice something to ignore it. Just not noticing it is just not noticing it. I didn't even want to know why it was like that. But then I figured it out. People don't appreciate you barging into their cleanly-defined territory and staining their clean, biased walls with your opinion. 


I think after that, I still didn't get much quieter. I think I started blurting my opinion out less, but I still was to straightforward. It took a few years for that to sink in, and then I started... not talking, and only being honest in extremes and only to certain people. I wonder why I do that... It might be that I think if you don't clearly define what you're saying, and you leave all this room for interpretation and doubt, you'll be misunderstood. It's inevitable. So I say things in extremes so that if someone tries to get some leeway to make it "nicer," that euphemism of what I said will be closer to what I meant than to what I said.


But it doesn't work that way. When I say something to even the slightest extreme, they take it exactly as I say it and get offended. But it's how I am.
I'm sure I'll grow out of it some day.












________________________


I bet none of you actually read this.
If you did, I feel almost proud and at the same time, astounded. What's wrong with you people?????


:D
^ This smiley face is a lie. I just felt like ending on a happy note.
:)

27 September 2010

As per request, I put up some pictures of the tarot cards I got a couple weeks ago

The artist who did them was Stephanie Pui-Mun Law. 


Aren't they pretty? 
I think the artist was pretty optimistic in depicting them, though,. You don't have to get what I mean. 


































Recently, I bought the first volume of the Hetalia manga. Ufufufufu~~ Everyone kept asking to borrow it...(No! I don't wanna! It's my Hetalia! Let me have Italy and Germany and Japan and American and England and France and all them a~~ll to myself!!! BUY YOUR OWN!!  is what with which I'd reply.) 


And on the back, just today, I noticed something.
On the back of any manga, you'll see the rating. A for all ages, T for teen, OT for older teen, etc. They do ratings based on how much racy or inappropriate or just stupid stuff there is in the manga. 


It went like this: 
OT
16+   


May include:
Non-sexual nondescript nudity
Mild violence
Moderate language
Mild fanservice
Alcohol use
.


...
wait... wha?? 
"Mild Fanservice" 


No, seriously. Go find it in a bookstore or library and look at the back. "Mild fanservice"
"Oh, wow, there's 'mild fanservice' in here! Horrible! We need to rate this for older audiences because of this 'mild fanservice'!"
Okay, okay, so maybe 'mild fanservice' was NOT the man reason, but still? Can it even count as a reason? Have you ever seen one manga without any fanservice? Go to a kids manga, and you'll still find some. Anything that might even remotely be considered fanservice probably is fanservice. 


Idk, it was just a bit of a laugh.




____________________________________
I decided to teach Japanese Club Japanese.
I mean, they went and decided for me, but, hey, it was all in good fun, eh? Let's just ignore little things like consideration and courtesy and consider a four-month-old, entirely vague answer a yes, eh? 


I should just teach them Japanese in Japanese or in the Kansai Dialect. Or, I could just teach them really old Japanese.


"Wait, but in anime, they end their sentences in "dess"!"


Ah, see, that's anime. In real life, one has to be much more polite. This is Japan, East Asia that we're taking about. So end your sentences in "de gozaimasu" like good little gullible inconsiderate idiots, okay? 


Or I'll lie and tell them "tono" (lord) is the real word for teacher, and sensei is just a very informal term that. while it appears a lot in anime, is actually not used at all. And then I'll have a whole army of (less than twenty) minions who'll do whatever I say!
MWAHAHAHA!!!


Or, maybe not. Either way.


But then I got over my anger (though I am still fairly indignant about it.... I can't help it. I hold grudges. They don't even try to squirm out of my arms. You're not gonna tell me to just drop the poor thing, are you?) and I decided, fine, I'll teach them Japanese, but I'll pull a few pranks and leave out any swear words.


"What's 'f*** you, ****** **********" in Japanese?"

(wow...) Um... it's... anata no koto wo sugoku aijou wo kanjimasu." (I feel great love for you *pretty formal*)


"Ooh, that sounds so evil!"


Yes, yes it is.


Or something. I can see that.


/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/




I seem to suck at guessing dreams. 
My friend, Are-chan is in love with Bankotsu, from Inuyasha. (Isn't that a really old anime? What the hell, she's so old-fashioned, loving an old man!) She'll beat you up if she hears you. (you're the one who said it, bitch!) 


Anyway, she told me to guess her dream about her darling Bankotsu.


I guess that she dreamt that she was part of an experiment, but she ran away and made herself forget about the whole thing in case the wrong people catch her and ask her questions. (As in people besides the people who experimented on her, cuz info leaking is bad no matter what) So, the people from the organization surround her, and BANKOTSU comes swooping in and SAVES HER!! And so they run away together, so that Are-chan can run off to Canada, cuz, for some reason, if she gets there, she'll be FREE! And cuz Canada's awesome. So ha. Anyway, once they reach the border, BANKOTSU betrays her and hands her back to the people who did that experiment on her. He was actually the head honcho behind the operation. Are-chan had been gone for a while, and she was pretty powerful, so he devised a clever scheme to gain her trust instead of just outright trying to shoot her full of holes, cuz that'd be a waste of money equivalent to America's debt. So, because of Are-chan, there are world wars III and IV. And BANKOTSU realizes that the whole experiment was a mistake. So he uses his super awesome smexy BANKOTSU POWERS to turn back time and erase the fact that the experiment happens at all, so Are-chan lives a life as a farmer's girl in Saskatchewan. (That's a province in Canada. The really straight one down the middle.) The last scene is of her walking home from school. She hears something and turns around and sees the flash of a black braid disappear into the trees. (Bankotsu has a really, really, really long black braid. That, a purple star on his forehead and his weird clothes are really his only distinguishing features. Oh, and his giant butterknife, but everyone has those in anime :D) So, Are-chan's friends shout for her to hurry up. She dismisses what she saw as a trick of the light and goes on with her life, never knowing that she started World Wars III and IV or that she had been betrayed by the love of her life in her previous life.


And then Are-chan was like "O.O ...um.... wow.........."


And her dream ended up being that she was snuggling with Bankotsu, but then Bankotsu walked into the room and saw them and he walked away, saying something about damn, I did it with her when I don't even know who the hell she is.... *confused glare*


So... there were... two Bankotsu's?


"Yep."


And you... You should have snuggled both.


"But he got the wrong idea and walked off! *tears*"


Are-chan, Are-chan... HOW COULD YOU??? CHEATING ON HIM WITH... ANOTHER HIM!!! How can you live with yourself???


And the conversation/shouting-match-that-was-really-an-ALL-CAPS-match-since-we-were-chatting-online continued with similar eccentricities. 


Aah, I hang around really weird people.
XP

19 September 2010

I got a pack of tarot cards today.
They are very, very pretty. They're actually very fun to use, but I still need to memorize all their meanings. *sigh* 78 of them, wow. I even went and made a box for them. :) It took forever to make, cuz I'm a clumsy idiot, but it's a cute box, even though its lid won't close properly all the time.


I tried to do a reading about ad sales (no one was in when I checked today. It seems weekdays are the best times to ask about ads only... I need to be in school. Blegh.) with the three card spread (problem, advice, how it'll work out) and the first two seemed pretty okay, but it never gave me a clear answer on how it'd work out. The first time didn't really give me a straight answer, so I tried again  and it said it'd end badly, and then again and it said something will change. Nothing to say if it's a good or bad change, but something will change. Maybe that just means there's no clear outcome? *sigh*


But, looking at the pictures, I kind of want to design my own tarot cards. Just for the fun of it. 


Anyway, I just wanted to say that I got a pack of tarot cards, and it is really, really fun. :)

17 September 2010

People OR Ad Sales Still Suck

I actually haven't seen a book where the title was "****** or *************************" since elementary school. Do people still do that? Giving a story two titles. 


Anyway, I tried to sell ads again.
A few people seemed interested.
One place, Dunn Bros Coffee, by Costco, they said they'd probably buy an ad next month. So I seem to be set for next six weeks, I just need something for this six weeks. 


The Dunn Bros place, it was really nice inside, but I tried some of their coffee a while back... it's not such good coffee... But the people are really nice, and the atmosphere is just great It's just, the coffee wasn't so good. Not the coffee that I tried, anyway. Who knows, maybe some things are better than others?


Anyway, the owner there, his name was Cactus. I thought that was pretty cool. I never thought I'd meet someone with a cool name like that. I dunno, but I think that's an awesome name. 


A few days ago, I found out a senior or junior at my school (I think he's a senior, but I'm not sure) has a really girly art style. He and fuku-banchou (vice... gang leader, actually, of the Japanese Club, but you know what I mean.) were arguing over who drew better. I think they might be about the same, but I think I like his art style a bit better than fuku-banchou's, and he's really good at backgrounds. Fuku-banchou never drew backgrounds so I'm guessing she's not so good at them. 


You see it in manga every now and then, though. Like Lucky Star or Nightmare Inspector. Both were drawn by men, but the art style looks so girly. Actually, I could imagine Lucky Star being drawn by a man, but with Nightmare Inspector, I saw the mangaka's name, and I was like, "Oh, SHIT, this was drawn by a man!!!!!!!!!" I never thought I'd actually meet one in real life.


Anyway, back to the title of this post, a few people seemed genuinely interested, but no one would just sign the damn thing and give me a check. (I prayed to the advertising god and I made that joke to a friend, and she was like, Oh? How many gods are there? It was a joke -.-')


Oh, and then after I made that joke, she wanted me to prove that there were many gods. I was like "there's really no way anyone can prove the existence of many gods, one god, or even no god..."


Friend: "Oh? What do you mean?"


Me: Well, prove to me that your god exists.


Friend: "I can with the bible"


Me: *Sigh* No, I mean prove it so that no one, no matter how extreme an atheist, will be able to refute what you said. Atheists don't see the bible as proof. To them, it's just a book. Like in advertising, just cuz a brand calls itself the best detergent or coffee or paint doesn't mean it's true. The bible saying God exists or that God "wrote" it means nothing. 
              Really, there are these fundamental differences in morals and understanding that prevent theists and atheists from having a calm, civil conversation with each other about religion so that everyone understands. Anyway, I feel like I'm going into really, really dangerous territory, so PLEASE CAN WE DROP IT!!!


And then it went on, and it became clear to me that she thought I actually believed in gods. She said that when people talk about religion, atheists don't believe in God, so they fight. But I don't, I believe in not one god, but many gods, etc, etc.


You know... I actually... don't believe in God... in any God... I just think it'd be cool if they existed... and I like the idea of many gods better than one god.... -.-''


Friend: Ooh...


Oh, and recently, a friend from Canada found me on facebook and friended me. I didn't even remember him when I was looking for old friends on facebook, and then he went and found me and friended me. It was the weirdest feeling. I didn't really think of him as a friend. I remember another friend and I would always call him an airhead. And he kind of was. And I remember he had really, really long eyelashes. And wide eyes. He made me think of Bambi, now that I think about it.... o.0


_______________________________


Sometimes, I'll listen to my whole itunes library and just put it on shuffle. And then a song I haven't heard in a year will play, and I won't recognize it and nearly freak out. 


Other times, I'll hear a song I used to hate, and once I hear it again, I think "this song is so awesome!" and then I look at the title and it's like "...I hated this song..." Or, when I first hear a song, I'll think that it's so loud, and then a few months later, I hear it again and I'll think it's a really nice, soft song. I must have always been a bit crazy.


I think I'm getting addicted to drawing with a tablet. It's really very fun. 
If you want to see what I just finished today, click here.
that mintybunnyslippers.vacau.com is something a few friends and I started. It's not very finished, but it's an adorable site.


MINTY BUNNY SLIPPERS

I'll probably put up other stuff there, too... so... yeah, check often to see more of my work?
Really, I don't like showing people my drawings, but I'm opening up to it.
The drawing you (should have) just clicked is just something I drew in my sketchbook redrawn in photoshop. I really think only the hair looks good. I love the smudge tool. :)
It still sucks that Painter busted on me. It seems to do that a lot, though. They call it "Painter Poof." They evened named it. Horrible.


_______________


I used to just be really gloomy, but now, I'm feeling happier. I can't say happy, but happier. I'm not depressed as much, and my drawings are getting less dark and more... well, I still like drawing death, but the drawings aren't as scary anymore. One of you guys should know what I'm talking about. In eighth grade, I drew an angel who had a broken rope in her hand and was walking on a cross. Only one person asked me why she looked like she was about to jump off. Really, what I was thinking was that she was always led where to go by that rope, but then it broke, so now she's lost. And if she keeps going, she's gonna fall off the cross and possibly die. Yeah, she could just fly, but, hey, it was a bit of a scary picture if you thought about it too deeply.


I drew another one where there was this girl in something like an Alice in Wonderland/Wizard of Oz style dress, and she was running along the edge of a building under construction. She looked all happy and adorable and smiling, but then you look at the rest of the background and then it's like ... O.O


but no one seems to really look at my drawings. Yeah, they'll stare and ooh and aah and think how pretty they are, but they never really look at what's happening in the drawing. When I draw, yes, I want it to be pretty; I draw because I want to see something pretty. But at the same time, I like to think myself a story-teller. It needs to have something, some words behind it. 


That one on Minty Bunny Slippers, I drew him thinking some seme-type guy will look at him and compare him to a Greek god. I think he looks a bit too pretty, too frail for that, though. With the Greeks, I think their idea of beauty was more a strong beauty, the strength in it. And then I drew a bunch of other characters with some kind of tarot card in their mouths (I want to buy a pack of tarot cards. Just cuz. I will! Soon! Ish... maybe...!) and one person had the Tower. I just remembered it had to do with self-destruction, right-side up or upside down. So the guy has this cocky smile, though you can't see his eyes, and he looks kinda goth, but kinda plain. Just a jacket and a hood covering his face and a boot on his left foot. And a scythe. I still like drawing death. I can't get away from it. No, I don't like drawing dead people, or dead things, I like drawing personifications of death. Another drawing has a guy with the Fool. He has all these fancy clothes and a jacket kinda like Grelle from Kuroshitsuji. And then, I had another guy with the Lovers, but I don't feel like I like him that much... I couldn't fit in the scythe, for one thing, and he... kinda looks like a biker? Idk, but he doesn't really fit the theme I was trying to use in that series. And then Tatsumi (the name of the guy on Minty Bunny Slippers, if any of you didn't click on the link or didn't see the name) appeared again, holding the Hanged Man. And then I didn't draw clothes on him again. 


I really like drawing him, but I feel like he looks better with no real clothes. On the picture on MBS, he was probably wearing briefs under that sheet. Probably. I really don't know.
So, now, I kind of want to do a story on those guys. (Yes, I finally got to my point.) But I don't really want it to have to do with death or reapers or anything like that. I do want to use the tarot cards as a motif or something, though.


Anyway, yeah. 
That's all...
I probably had more I wanted to write, but may or may not appear in the next post. Or maybe a post two months from now. Who knows. :D

15 September 2010

It says I have 10 followers... I could have sworn it said 11 a while ago.... o.o


I mean, I even did the blog post "welcome 11th follower!!"


But it's not the eleventh follower who left... I'm not sure who it is...
But there was an 11th! I know there was! 


Of course, there's always the chance that that eleventh follower was just a delusion created by me so that I could have something to be happy about....


Or I could just be going insane.


Aa, someone help me><


_________


I really shouldn't even be blogging right now. I've been so busy because I have so much work to do.


And ads. It's really stressing me out. 


Last year, I had one to two hours of homework tops. I had plenty of time to watch anime, read manga and be a total otaku. Do you know how many episodes of anime I've watched this week? Less than ten. IN A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


I used to watch ten episodes a day. What the hell happened?


My brother's always so grumpy nowadays. He's always complaining about something or other, and he's turning out to be a total bitch.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW GOOD YOU HAVE IT, BITCH!!! 
That kid needs to stop complaining. If he snaps at me one more time, I swear....


It seems I'm gonna be this busy until second semester on senior year.
I hate you, school.


On the bright side, they finally got the Japanese Club up and running! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!
Finally, I'll be able to see my friends from last year! 


________________________


Humans are very, very shallow creatures. The world is run on a basis of names and appearances. The thing is, humans are so vain, so hypocritical, that they do their utmost to hide it.


An example my dad told me was that Rice University is a very good university, but no one cares because it's in Texas. They're trying to get non-local students, but what non-local student would apply to a university in Texas? Conversely, if Harvard was in the south, no one would care about Harvard. Imagine Harvard being in Texas and Rice being in New York State.


But Korea is the complete opposite. No, it's still completely crazy about name and appearances, but they're so blatant about it. If I were to get into an Ivy League school like Yale and I went to Korea, I could get money, lots of money, if I were to tell a parent how I got into that university. But what if, by some chance, I wrote some random crap, they thought it somehow made sense, called it genius and accepted me? I tell them, "Oh, I just wrote random crap on my essay" and they'll tell their kid to write random crap.


Korea is also very big on no gays. But if there's a young, good-looking actor and he says he's gay, they say, "oh, it's fine!" And then if an old, not so good-looking guy comes out, they'l go and treat him like some kind of monster, as if it's his fault he likes men instead of women. Why so blatant? At least try to hide the fact you're so... human. 


I mean, looking at Korea from that viewpoint, it's hard to see it as a country. It really just looks like a bunch of people grouped together because they happen to live on the same landmass, and they go and decide, "you know what, screw appearances! We'll be the most name and rep-oriented country ever!" 


And then I kind of realized... I almost want to be like Korea.
No, not in the whole name-and-appearance-is-everything-and-I-shall-live-accordingly part. The part where they're so free that they'll go and live that way. They'll do such glaring actions that just show how shallow they are without even a thin, hypocritical attempt at veiling it. 


I 'll be the first to admit that humans suck, and I'm only human. I want to live that way.
Of course, that's just an ideal.
If I were to actually live in such a direct, honest way... 
Well, you know what most people think about South Korea. The only real thought I seem to get from people about it is that it's kind of... crazy. (I personally think Japan is a bit more crazy, but still.) And Korea is really... crazy... But it's a nice, free crazy. Until you go and look at the country. 


I remember in 8th grade, there was a Korean guy in my gym class, and he'd always call me "Such a Korean."


I don't act very Korea.
I don't even like Korea that much. (Even less now, cuz nowadays, K-pop SUCKS)
But I guess I almost want to be "such a Korean"


Of course, this is all just rambling, so it might not make much sense.
Really, nothing I write makes much sense.... @.@


________________


I've been feeling less depressed lately. I went and hugged a friend... twice. TWICE! In one day! I'm going crazy.


The ironic thing is, she's the one who's usually all happy and bouncy and huggy, and I'm the depressed and depressing one who'll bite you if you try to hug me. But now, I've been getting more happy-ish, and a bit more huggy, and she's starting to get depressed more.


Aa, what is this world coming to?


When another one of my friends heard that, she said the world's going to end.
Why won't it? 2012's too far away, just go *boom* now! Stupid world, do you know how long I've worked for this?? Well, I gave up on conquering this world, but still! 


Oh, that reminds me.
Are-chan had a dream about God creating the world, and he was  this shrimpy little otaku-looking glasses guy. He didn't want the humans to know other gods existed so he told them they weren't real. He was really cute holding these little humans like dolls. And I wanted to do a shonen-ai manga on that. It'd be adorable! And probably not graphic...I can read graphic, but I can't draw it. Writing it is worse, for some reason. But, if someone were to walk in, written yaoi is a lot less recognizable than drawn yaoi. But still.


Anyway, in the manga, it turns out the world is just a group project for a school for divine beings. It's not even the real thing. It's practice for when God creates a good universe, where stuff makes sense and he won't make all these dumb mistakes. Like humans. And politics. And reality shows. Oh, God, in the real world you make once you're out of school, do NOT let them make reality shows! They're awful! How can people watch them??


Anyway, God didn't mean to keep the world for so long. He kept trying to throw it out (eg: turn of the century! 1999!) but then he decided he doesn't want to. 2012 will be a cleaning-out of his closet, so we'll see if he decides to trash it or not. *wink*


So the uke, of course, is "God" and the seme is this human who somehow ended up in the god school. I really want to work on it, but I have no time to draw except for when I'm in school. 


Can't they just make me busy in school, and then have free time at home? Please??? 
God, when you create your real world and finally give up on this school project, please get rid of schoolboards. Or try to make them better. (Good luck with that)


It'd be hilarious if  I could make a religion out of this.


Anyway, I have homework to do, so Sayounara for now, and maybe, MAYBE I'll post again soon!


Oh, damnit, I still need to do that webcomic thing... How many of you actually want to read it?? 

13 September 2010

Ad Sales Suck

Today, I went through Rice Village, trying to sell ads. 
For a lot of those places, the owner of manager wasn't there, so I just left the ad contracts and a copy of the magazine. They told me they'd have the owners look at them. I'm not sure if that really means anything, but one person looked like she actually wanted to buy an ad. 
*Sigh*
I just hope someone buys an ad....
Ad sales suck.They really, really suck.
I really, really hope someone buys one...... *sigh*
And when I started talking to them, I got all peppy and happy almost on reflex. It's awful. 


___________________ 


In PE, we only ever do these stupid exercises. We really should get a lot of time to ourselves, but they take an hour to take role  and they don't allow us to get out of our lines until we're done everything.


First is stretches, and then we have to run a certain way from one end of the gym to the other. One of them is called "karaoke", only they call it "carry-okie" Where the heck to do you get "ree" from "ra" anyway? 


Anyway, you run sideways, stepping in front of one foot, and then stepping behind, and then to the side, and then in front, etc, etc. It's really simple, but most of my PE class seems unable to do it. And then one girl said "that shit is dangerous!"


How the hell is that dangerous? Maybe what's more dangerous is you lack of balance.


__________


In English, we did that DEAR thing. Drop Everything And Read.
But first, we went to the library to learn about the Personal Project.
It's a project all 10th graders have to do. It's supposed to be really big, only it seems to be pretty simple and pointless. 


And I'm wondering if it's something you have to do a lot of research for.
It says you can do creative writing. I just want to write something. The story ideas I want to do, I've been thinking about for a while, and I won't really need to do much research.


I've narrowed it down to three.


A war story, about a revolution.
An episodic sci-fi comedy.
a series of short stories. Just cuz there are titles I want to use to a short story. Or just anything. A few I want to use are Footsteps on the Moon, Footsteps Dancing Under the Ocean and A Sea that Tastes like Tears. If I do the series of short stories, it'll probably be a series of short stories and manga one-shots. Even though I say series, they really won't be related. 


Anyway, because we had to go to the library, we only had thirty minutes to read. I asked the teacher if I could read a philosophical essay instead of a novel. When she first explained it, she said it had to be a novel. And she gave me this weird, wide-eyed look.


Sensei: Philosophical...?
Me: Yeah! 
Sensei:Sure... if that's what you want to read for forty-five minutes....
Me: Yes! 
Sensei: Okay...


She probably thought me odd.


If you want to know, the book is Being and Nothingness by Jean-Paul Sartre. I'm starting to think all French philosophers like the word "absurd." Actually, I'm starting to like it. I hated it, but I'm starting to liked it.


It's a really difficult book. In 30 minutes, guess how many pages I read.


8.


8 pages. 
It's a really difficult book.
But I like it.
And it's about things I think about a lot.
I feel like Sartre could have worded it more simply. He has this... pompous style, and he just assumes that you've read a million other philosophical works. Which you should have, if you're trying to read this book... 




But still.  

11 September 2010

Big Happy Family

Actually, my family's not that big. Just the four of us. My parents, my brother and me. 
My parents and I went to buy a printer/scanner. My brother hates going out, so he stayed at home to play games.


My father and I were waiting in the car while my mother was in La Madaleine to get coffee. He said to me that he hated arguing with her, so whenever it dragged on for a while, he'd just say "Yeah, whatever, whatever you want." 


I told him that sounded insensitive, and he didn't respond. 


"I really want to live in a house," he said.


"You're going to buy one once Jonny and I are gone, aren't you?" 


"But that'll be too big... I guess we could buy a small house in Canada. That'd be nice.
      "Or we could rent out the room to someone. It's a good investment, buying a house with several rooms near a college and renting them out. And I could hire a property manager, so I wouldn't have to deal with them." 


I chuckle at his last sentence. 


And then I kind of realized.
I'm not sure if we're all really happy. 
I can't say we're miserable.
We're not happy, but we're not miserable either. We don't take no news as good news and go on with our lives. We dwell on things. We don't act much like a family, either. We act more like four people, perhaps a bit like-minded, perhaps a bit too similar, perhaps enough for patterns to emerge to the casual viewer. We don't act like much of a family. We act more like four people put into the same house, who agreed to cooperate and stay together until better arrangements could be met. Until my brother and I go off to college, we all decide to just get along, be affectionate enough, be detached enough. 


We never really did the whole "one big happy family" thing. We're pretty detached from our relatives. We talk to my grandparents on my father's side once a week, my mother talks to hers often, etc, etc. We do have those connections, but I don't feel like we're all very much involved. We don't even act very Korean. We don't act very Canadian or very American, either. It'd be enough to throw me into an identity crisis if I gave a damn. 


Kinda like that "what are friends, anyway?" phase I went through at the beginning of ninth grade, now that it's the beginning of 10th grade, I wonder, what is family? Really. Yeah, we're all related, and we're alike. We're really just people who happen to be of the same blood. I think all four of us realize that. I wonder if we're closer because of that. I'll talk about whatever in front of my parents. I'll be completely honest and fool around and just lay myself bare. Not literally, of course. 


I feel so close to my family, and yet so detached. 
But don't most people feel pretty detached from their family, anyway? From what I hear from my friends, "family bond" don't seem to be very strong here. 


I don't know, I'm just feeling very sentimental today.


__________________________


I want to know how my parents looked when they were kids. I look very much like my mother. I bet she was pretty cute when she was a kid. She was really small, so she looked like she was 8 when she was 12. My dad told me he was cute when he was a kid, too. He said that he'd been told by many people that he looked like a girl. I wanna see!!! 


And my mother's brother was very pretty, too. You wouldn't be able to tell nowadays, though. He's already balding. He's been balding. And he's only in his mid-40s. My brother's probably prettier than I am. I'm cute, he's pretty. That's how it is. My mother went through that as well. HIstory repeats itself, right? 


I asked my dad how his siblings looked (he has an older sister and older brother. Both my parents were the youngest in their families, so I get little sympathy for my pains from being the elder.) and he said he doesn't remember. He doesn't even remember how he looked, he only remembers being told he was pretty.


That's so like him.
I wonder if I'll be like that. I have a kid, he/she asks me what I looked like.
"Hmm... I dunno..."
"What do you mean, you don't know?!"
"I remember being told I was cute a lot... I hated it, but they kept saying it, so I was probably cute."
"Probably? Mom!"
"Whatever. Quit wasting time and do your homework." 


Or something. 
***************************************


My dad's a bit odd.
He's a physicist. A scientist. Yet he's also very philosophical. He thought about taking a philosophy major, but since a philosopher isn't considered a real job anymore, he decided to take physics. 


I thought that one must be a bit of a romantic to be a philosopher nowadays. My dad asked why I thought so. I told him that philosophers always seem to say such pretty words.


He said they don't. "They're not artists."


And then I realized that it was really just me. I just saw beauty in those words. Philosophy was very tightly-knit with science back when it was considered a real job. Who knows, maybe philosophers themselves didn't even find beauty in their own words. Many of them said life has no meaning, nothing exists, there's no point to anything. 


You'd have to be a bit... a lot of a romantic to find beauty in those kinds of words. And a certain type of romantic. Not very many people hear "life has no meaning" and think the concept particularly pretty. 


I guess the real oddity is me.
My dad admitted that he and my mother are strange. And then he called me a different kind of strange.


I kind of understand that, but I wonder what kind of strange that is. 


&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&




Yesterday, at the end of Business Information Management, otherwise known as BIM or, as on my schedule, BUS INFO (what, does that say... bus... info? Yes. My life's dream is to become a bus driver for a stupid school district like HISD.), since we weren't doing anything (this was also my 7th period, the period in which all that photographer (or lack of) crap happened), I decided to play a game. So I went to tetris. 


I heard the girls beside me say "so asian..."
I can hear you, morons.
I really, really, really wanted to say that, but that would be rude, so I just thought it, and continued playing. 
Yes, I'm Asian, but what does that have to do with playing tetris? I mean, yeah, Tetris was invented in Russia, which is in the Eurasian continent, but isn't Russia culturally more like Europe than Asia? My playing tetris has nothing to do with my "Asian-ness", right? 


I like to think I'm good at tetris. I've gotten to level 14 about twice, and once, I got to level 15. It was very surprising, and perhaps the shock played a role in my losing... Of course, my mother's gotten to level 20-something, which I didn't even think existed. But my mother's always like that. My brother doesn't like games like tetris. I like Tetris because it's simple. Yeah, you need to think a little, but gameplay is very simple. My brother refuses to accept a game unless in involves killing or blowing things up. My father never really liked computer games, even as a boy. What kind of boy doesn't like computer games?


I also find this a bit ironic because my dad studied a lot of computer science. He likes computer, but not computer games? Whatever.
And he said he's never gotten to a level with double digits, and it made me feel a bit happy. Not happy, per se, but kinda proud of myself. Then again, my dad likes more strategy games. Thinking games. Who needs flashy lights and beeping sounds and buttons? I'm thinking


We're all a bit odd, I think.


____________________________________


The apartments I live in offer brunch every couple weeks. It's either Chick-fil-A or French Corner, I think it's called. 
My parents still call it "chick-fill-ah." 


Anyway, today, they had tacos. It was lunch this time, not brunch.
But since we left to buy the printer/scanner at about lunch time, my bro got to eat tacos, and I DIDN'T!! 


I wanted a taco.
No fair.


Of course, this is Texas.
I can go eat a taco whenever I want. 
But it was free.
Free tacos.
*sigh*


Ah well.


I was so depressed yesterday, but I feel a bit better. 


And my post actually kind of has a point! 
Family, right? All...most... Almost all of what I said had to do with family! Bwahahaha!!!


I am probably a bit crazy right now, so let's leave it at that.  :D

10 September 2010

Once man has flown...

I've had a very crappy week.
I haven't been blogging this week, but you really didn't miss much. But, I may as well write something, and I feel like ranting, so I can kill two stones with one bird (wait, that doesn't sound quite right...) and rant here. I will have written something, and I will have ranted to someone who may or may not care! If I were to say all this to my parents, they don't care. That's it. With you guys, even though I know you don't care about the tantrums of a 14-year-old, I can imagine that perhaps one of you actually cares enough to read. Thank you for being so ambiguous. (Not really. But it's useful for the moment, so, for the moment, THUMBS UP TO YA!!!)


Labour Day Weekend. 
I was planning on doing my homework. I decided "You know what? Screw this." I only did two things.
And then I caught a cold.
Aah, this must be my punishment for procrastinating, I thought. 


Tuesday, I was sick. The day sucked.


Wednesday, I was also sick. I was also supposed to take pictures for my article. I arranged to meet the photographer at D lunch by the west building. She didn't come. I tried texting her, and calling her, but the number didn't work. It turned out, she gave me the wrong number. The day sucked.


Yesterday. We did a seminar for English. Oh, joy! And she split us into two groups. One group answered questions, and the other took notes. But the questions I had good answers for were asked to the other group. And I was still sick. I have to make it up on Tuesday. Oh, joy. Oh, joy. Oh, joy.


Today. The photographer I was supposed to work with on Wednesday was busy, so she delegated the task to another photographer. She's photo editor, so she can do that. The photographer told me she'd text me which lunch we'd do the photos. At the beginning of 7th period, which is our lunch period, I texted her. Have you decided which lunch? No, not yet. I talk to my teacher. She tells me after we finish one assignment, I can go figure out what I'm supposed to do. I text her again after A-lunch is over. No answer. I wait. I text her again, also telling her where to meet me. No answer. I wonder if this means she is outside and waiting, but just didn't reply. I go outside. She's not there. I text her again. She tells me to text the photo editor. I do. "She wouldn't respond, and then she told me to text you. What do i do?" 
                 She just said "she in trob." I ask again, "so, what do I do?" hoping the frantic tone playing in my head wouldn't be in the text. She told me to wait, and that the photographer was in trouble. "I'm outside right now. Should I just go back to class?" "Yes sweetheart" For some reason, this calmed me, and I went back to class. It was extremely stressful. I get a headache just thinking about it. Am I just cursed when it comes to working with other people?






So, that was my week. In a word, it sucked. Well, that was two words, but the important thing is that one word. (It?) No. Sucked. This week sucked. THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!! Or... whoever the hell's up there anyway. Or down there. Or way over there. Or whoever's hiding somewhere under a rock hoping I will not find him/Him/it/her and KILLL IT!!! I don't care, it is an it. An it that deserves to die. Go to Hell, God. Seriously.  (Damn, I hope nothing happens to me)


D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: D: 


I hope none of those look like happy faces.


I was chatting with one of my friends, and after a while, it came to the subject of my HORRIBLE, UNFAIR, RIDICULOUS AND JUST I-WANNA-KILL-SOMEONE-ESQUE-THOUGHT-INDUCING schedule change. It turns out, Are-chan's class (she has my old teacher... the fun one... *sniff* and I got the teacher-ish teacher! It's ninth grade all over again!!! Only I DON'T HAVE A FRIEND IN THAT CLASS! You know, I did, for one class. But then she got switched out. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN???) does not have to do seminar. 


NO FAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Previous English-sensei thinks that seminars are stupid and a waste of time. So they just needed to type the answers to the questions.


NO FAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!! WHY DO YOU HATE ME? I'M A GOOD KID! EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT I DON'T THINK YOU EXIST!!!


It's not fair!


Of course, it went on to the 


ARE THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED!!


ME    But it wasn't in my control! They did it randomly!


ARE  ASK TO CHANGE IT BACK!!!


ME It's been more than a week!!


Are  D:> Then get your parents to go and complain!


ME  But my parents don't even care. You don't have friends in your classes? Make new friends. There are things in life you can't control. As DaVinci said, Once man has flown, he will walk the earth with his eyes turned skyward, for there he has been, and there he will wish to return. 


and then the conversation returned to normal.
Of course, I'm not sure if that quote is exact. I am fairly sure DaVinci said it, though.


But I think I can really identify with that quote. I lived in Canada, and then I came here. It kinda was like comparing flying to walking on the ground. And, well, it's not like I could walk around facing north all the time, but I thought about it a lot. 


And now, whenever I pass my old English classroom (and it's my homeroom) I think if how, damnit, I used to have a friend in that class. And the teacher is funny. And really lax. No fair. Why do I have to suffer like this? I hate being alone. And it's so stressful. I have all this work, and lousy classmates, and no friend to vent to. I bet all my hair'll turn grey, I'll have to buy a wig.


And I kinda thought that "will walk the earth with his eyes turned skyward" part a bit sad. 
So, he doesn't get to fly again? Is he cursed to walk on the ground forever, always thinking about that freedom and joy he tasted flying? 


Then wouldn't it just be better to forget about it?
But then you'd be losing something precious to you...
But it's still nice to think about it.
I can't imagine anything being very "nice" if all it does is make you depressed.


Guah, all of a sudden, this became a bit depressing....


Anyway, yeah, 


                   HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!




Look! It's a rainbow!


Anyway, let's all have a great weekend, and hopefully I will be able to sell ads!