Okay, okay, this is probably old news by now, considering it's been out there for quite a few hours, but I just woke up less than an hour ago, and I'm just mind-blown.
What... what the hell? What the hell, America? What... I can't even...
It seems that pizza is now a vegetable.
Congress has decided that what little tomato may or may or exist on your average pizza (because who knows what shit that's made out of) lets it count towards your daily servings of vegetables.
Just...
The f*ck?
Oh, I see. This must be punishment for me stating that I respect America a few days ago.
I'm sorry, America, I'm sure you know I didn't mean it.
What were they thinking when they decided to pass this bill?
Alright, we need to make these kids healthier. How do we do that?
We could put more fruits and vegetables in their lunches, and quit it with the fast food.
What? You crazy! Someone shoot that guy!
I know! Let's just say what they eat already are vegetables!
Omigod! That man's genius! Give him an award!
Cuz, see, it's cheaper to give kids shitty processed no-I'm-not-telling-you-what's-in-it whatsit. Instead of trying to appear as if they're making an effort, they'll just go in a completely opposite direction. What? Raise the standard for lunches in school? What bullshit! Lower the standard, and it'll look like our kids are the healthiest people on earth! Wonderful!
You know what? This country probably deserves it.
So, go ahead, America. Eat five pizzas a day, declaring to the world that you do love vegetables! And you will be healthy and proud and wondering why on earth you're dying at 40 of heart disease and diabetes and high blood pressure.
And go f*ck yourselves.
We are America and we are proud.
Also, does Congress know that tomatoes are not vegetables?
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