I'm Depressed, Smileys, and something else I forgot about and probably won't ever remember

I've been very depressed lately. I don't know why. Maybe cuz Thanksgiving break was so boring and melancholy, but it still sucks that I have to go back to school. (It sucked, by the way.) 


And maybe it's cuz I haven't been watching any anime or reading any manga lately.
Maybe I should just try to find something to associate with being content and just do that every day so that I don't start cutting myself. *sigh*


I won't bother saying anything to anyone about it, though. Last school year, I'd say "I'm depressed..." every two days. I'm not even joking. So if I say something now, they'd think, "Hmm. Same old, same old, I see" or "Oh, wow, she's back to normal." 


_____________


I've realized I have completely stopped my use of ^.^
I used to use it all the time, but now.... Now when I chat with friends, my smileys are just the boring (: and my sad faces are ): or maybe with a hat, ):>


I guess it's something really minor and inane, but I'd always use ^.^ 
And then I stopped. And I just realized that yesterday. The other smileys I adopted because my friends would always use them. It makes me kinda sad, though, 'cause I adopted one thing only to lose another.


______


We cleaned the apartment over break. All cuz my grandparents are coming soon. And I'm expected to keep my room clean for the whole two months they're staying. 


It's impossible. Hopefully, I'll figured something out... I doubt I will, but I can hope--!!


____________________


I just remembered what it was that I forgot.
It took me a very long time to realize it.
Actually, the thought first planted its seed into my mind a few weeks ago, but it didn't become a real thought until recently.
But I think the people on staff at my school's magazine don't like each other...
I mean, there are small groups of friends, but outside of that...


I first felt this vaguely when I heard two of the editors talking about one of the other staff members behind her back. Now that I think about it, they all talk about each other behind each others' backs... I mean, I couldn't quite say I thought they were all happy-we're-all-friends-here, but I thought they all at least got along.... Soon, I wondered what they thought of me...


I know some staff members certainly don't dislike me. The ones who nicknamed me "God." They're all very religious, so they wouldn't call someone they don't like "God." Right? At least, I hope so. Cuz then it's an insult to both God and me (but more importantly, the latter). But that's a very small part of the staff. I don't know why I suddenly cared about what they thought of me, so I kind of let that thought drop. And then, I realized, these people don't like each other very much. 


There's not much animosity, I dare say, but I can't say there is no animosity, and I know some people just.... detest each other. 


I mean, I don't really hate any of them. Unless someone reaaally rubs me the wrong way, I'm fairly passive in my opinions of people. 


And now I wonder why I thought they all got along in the first place. Sure, they'll work together as a staff and put out a magazine each issue, but these people just do not like each other. And that just makes it that much more stressful. I sometimes wonder if I want to quit.


However, next year, it seems there will be a lot of people in my year on staff, some of them people I actually know. So maybe it'll be a bit better next year? 










Also, we're doing a secret santa thing for the staff, and I think it counts for part of the final. We're doing it three times. Whoopee. (No, I mean it, really. Though I am worried about what the person who got me will get.... What if he/she gets me a volume of *gag* NARUTO?? Or a frilly shoujo manga??? I think the shoujo manga would be marginally better? Marginally. So, so very marginally) and we also had to fill in these sheets with our likes and favorites. Nothing really stood out on my person's paper, but she listed a favorite author, a favorite TV show and a favorite recording artist. Since Journalism-sensei said we'd probably spend 20-30 dollars on the whole thing, I went with the favorite author and got her a book by him.


Is that really lame? I bet that sounds really lame. But CDs are expensive and DVDs are EXPENSIVE, too. 


But it still sounds really lame.
I just pulled a random book off the shelf at Barnes and Noble, and I hope to God, the Buddha, almighty Zeus and Jupiter, and the Yaoi God FuwaFuwa-sama that she hasn't read it before. 


But it still sounds really lame, right?
Maybe if I were to do a painting for the person? It'd only take a few hours...
Maybe for the next person? 
*sigh*






It always surprises me how much I can write about nothing at all of importance.


Please excuse me while I go and check of my classmate has *finally* scanned and emailed a study guide for English and, afterwards, try to write about how technology can be used to "revamp" educational teaching methods.


Oh, poo.
To think there was a time when I thought high school would be awesome.
Ah, I would that I could go back to those days!!




(Also, it seems I remembered what I figured I'd never remember, so I guess it means my fortune-telling SUCKS and that it'd never work as a career for me. *sigh*)