School starts Monday.
I don't want to go to school. I've woken up before ten, like, twice this whole summer. School should start at noon.
And still end at 4. 


We went to San Marcos yesterday and stayed there overnight.
I got an L t-shirt from Hot Topic. 
And a new backpack, cuz my old one is falling apart. 


I don't want school to start. I want to stay home and sleep. 


__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ 




I really wonder if I'm actually a harsh person. 
Either I'm being sarcastic or I'm being honest, that's all it ever is. 
But people always get offended at what I say.
But you get offended easily yourself.
Mukyaa! She's back! 
*Glare*
Sure, I get offended easily, but that doesn't mean everyone else should be easily offended, too. If you're gonna point out that I'm overly-sensitive, don't be overly sensitive to my response to that. Jeez.


But I think it really is just that honesty is the same as harshness nowadays. And even if you're going to be honest, you have to word it a certain way. In 7th grade, when I said something to a friend, and then responded to her look of indignation with, I was just being honest... She said, "No, that's not being honest. There were a bunch of different ways you could have said that."


So, being honest isn't enough. You have to be nice and use these little things called euphemisms. They're ghastly things that let you be diplomatic and nice when you're, oh, I don't know, telling the truth. Because people don't want to hear the truth. Well, even if they must hear it, they want you to word it in a way that twists it so much, it doesn't even sound like the truth anymore.


But during that journalism camp I went to, one of the teachers said that euphemisms were the worst mistake of journalists. He said, when someone dies,they don't go and say they died. They say, "He passed away." He didn't pass away. He died. He died because he was too stupid to use his seatbelt. He didn't pass away, or meet his end, or anything like that. He died. As in he's dead. 


So, I guess while you mean the same thing, I feel like euphemism kid of cheapen it. If something is really bad, and then you reword it to be nice that doesn't change the fact that it's bad, and it doesn't seem like you're being realistic. Can't we just accept that things are how they are? 


I mean, if I hate your guts, I am not going to tell you that I do not like you. I am going to tell you that I hate your guts. If I think you're a total idiot, I'm not going to say that you're "not smart." I'm gonna call you a total idiot. If I don't agree with you, I'm not gonna try to be diplomatic and say, "Well... I don't disagree with you, but......" I'm going to say "I don't agree with you. Period. Take it as me disagreeing with you."


I mean, that's what I'd like to say. I am a very, very small and weak little Asian girl.If I try to be a smidgen more honest than socially acceptable, I can be beaten very, very easily. So, like every other human out there, I quietly sit in my corner scheming my revenge and ranting to myself about the unfairness of it all. And then when someone walks up to me and ask me about my opinion, do you know what I'll do?


Lie.


Noo. I will state my opinion in a roundabout, confusing and incomprehensible way that sounds educated and not offensive so that the person will smile, nod and walk away. 


So, you'll lie. Lip service. 


...If you must label it.... It's "being nice." It's what everyone demands of me nowadays.


As in lying.


Look, even if I am being honest, I have to state it in a way that sounds like a joke. So no one takes me seriously when I want them to, and they only take seriously what they want to take seriously. It's not like it's my fault.


Aah, it's a good thing I only exist in your head. I can be as honest as I want here.


No, it's not good. Not for me. You insult me on a daily basis, and you make me feel like utter crap every time I see... talk to.... think of you.


But that's all in your mind. 
They never cut off anyone's head, you know.


Quit quoting Lewis Carroll.


But it was the Griffon who said it.


...


It's fine. We're all mad here.


............................................................................................ (True, but...)


>>>>>>>>>><<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


Today, I finally found the Aria manga. Finally. I'm very happy. I don't remember where the bag is in which I put it, but it's somewhere in the apartment. Hahahahaha.


Gah, I got ink all over my keyboard..... My inkpot's being weird, and whenever I touch the rim of the cap, my fingers get covered in ink. 


Aah, my wireless keyboard ><
It lasted this long without a stain, but now.......... T.T


I got most of it off, but there's a big smudge on the L key. and O and P. And the space bar.
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MY KEYBOARD!!!!!!!


Oh, get over it.


By the way, where's *laugh* guy?


...I died.


That's a rather crass joke--
What the heck, saying/typing that about yourself????


But people still make jokes like that, don't they?


How am I supposed to know? Do you really expect me to analyze speech patterns of the people around me?


But they're your generation. You should know how they talk.


But I don't. I don't really care, either. Do people still way "fail" and "pwn"?


You, ma'am, are a failure as a human being.


I've been aware of that for quite some time.


Even worse.


Deal with it. 'S not like you have any choice. It's my brain you live in. (hey, get out and make room for the French and algebra I should have learned!)


What about you get rid of all that anime and BL you're always obsessing over instead?


Gasp! You're so mean!


As I've said, defining characteristic.


No, your defining characteristic is that  you're cold!


Same thing in this society.


Egad! How cynical!


Of course. She's part of your personality. She has to be cynical. Same with me. Heck, the url of this blog is just a little cynicism.


That doesn't mean we should all be cynical!!


Says the idiot who keeps giving her main characters the same personality.


Mukyaa! How low!!!
I'm trying to fix that!!!!!! And in the stories I'm working on (read: trying to work on [read:freaking out and stressing over and yet still not working on]) they all have different personalities, so ha!!


Sure, sure. You go tell yourself that. 


So cruel!


Now that I think about it, just a little cynicism? A little? You're one of the most cynical, bitter people you (and thus, I) have ever met!


Guh, well... If every teenager on this earth was cynical (I mean, as cynical as I am. Every teen seems to try out the "humans suck" mindset but few seem to be able to master it. Don't treat mastering it like a good thing!) then, what would this world come to? 


Well, if/when you become an author, and someone tries to write a biography, they'll have an easy time. "This author was very depressed and lead a boring life." Like a lot of authors, see?


What century are you talking about??


To think you've written so much about such mindless drivel.


You're turning on me, too??? HOW COULD YOU????? TRAITOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!


Yeah, we're gonna be nice and end the post now. Have a nice day :)


Ugyah, how out of character! And don't end MY post without MY permi-- 

Haha I got a comment yesterday.
I don't know, I just felt kind of happy...
And then he/she called my post postmodern. I wonder if that's a compliment?
Whatever, I'll take it as a compliment.
Anime I like are postmodern, so I will take it as a compliment. (but it's not like that technique's particularly new...)




(Though, whenever I complain about you guys not commenting [no, a couple of you do comment, so you guys are fine], I don't mean it. I do it to complain. But I feel like I'm being less read by the people who followed my blog when it first started out.)





_______________


I don't know if I mentioned it, but I bought a Black Butler shirt from Hot Topic. I love it~~ And then I got vol. 2 of the manga, and then the first 2 volumes of the Spice and Wolf novels. So I have very little money right now.


But, my grandparents on my mother's side are going to send me (and my bro) fifty extra dollars for our allowance every month! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!
So I should be getting a scanner soon... ish.... probably... maybe.... That would be nice, wouldn't it?


Ah, money, money, money. Must be funny. In a rich man's world.
Oh~~ All the things I could do~ If I had a little money. It's a rich man's world. 


Ok, I'll stop. 
___________


I recently finished writing a short story yesterday. I watched the Time of Eve anime, and I thought, I wanna do something like that, so I did one where there are androids used as servants, and people think they should be treated like things, but then I made it a lot sadder than the anime. (Don't judge. Shakespeare did that for a lot of his works.) 


I kinda liked the idea, but when I looked over it... It sucks. I like how I started, though.
"I suppose I should start with a striking, thought-provoking statement. I'm sorry, but I have none." 


I like that. But you could start any story with that. :)


And then I thought of. "Ano toki, boku wakatteita. Baka tte." (at that time, I understood. I was a fool.) And I want to start a story with that. I can either think of all these little details for a story, but then I start to write, and I'm like.....


Um..........................................


Long, long ago... Well, it wasn't really that long ago. Well, actually, yes it was long ago. I suppose that depends on your perception of "long." So, if you're twenty years old, it was a long time ago. If you're 2000 years old, it wasn't so much. (Then it was long ago, stupid!) Oh... is that so? Well, then..... *Presses delete key*


Like that. 
I can think of great ways to start stories, but then I can't think of a story for that start, or I think of a great story, but I can't start it. 


I seem to want to work on a lot of stories at one.


There's a war story, and it's gonna be all tragic (but two people survive! That's good, for me!)


A sci-fi comedy, and really there's nothing tragic there. 


A story about how a woman tries to create an empire while hiding the fact that she's a woman, which I decided to base on several rulers of China. LIke, stuff that they did, or things that happened to them, if I find it interesting or useful, I'll put it in the story.

If someone were to write a bible about a yaoi god, what would it be like? And the god's name is FuwaFuwa-sama. 


And I also want to do a series of tragic short stories. 


And then there's also a screenlpay I'm doing, that may or may not be shounen-ai, but I'm not going to put any (ok, very, very, very few.) service scenes in there and it's gonna be sad. 


So that's 6. Six of them. That I want to work on. All at once. 
And I like all of those stories. There were a bunch of other, but then I decided, "nah, I can live without writing those" and then I forgot them, and now they're gone, never to return........ 


A moment of silence for those poor dead stories, please. 










Anyway, I was thinking maybe I could do one of those (like the sci-fi comedy one) on this blog. 
But would it be took much if there's also the webcomic? 
Would you guys want either of them? Or would you rather read my not-terribly-interesting views on the world? 


Guah, there's also one based on this dream I had, where there's this girl and she's waiting in this field of grass. And she's waiting for someone, and she doesn't know who it is, but she knows she has to wait there. And then all these clouds and animals and winds pass her, going to the "paradise that the sky found" (damnit, that sounds better when I write it in the story, in a less self-aware way....). 


      And some people go to her and tell her that they're the person she's waiting for, when they're not, and they take her away, but she figures out they're the wrong person and goes back to the field of grass. 


    But, the person she's waiting for actually died, and he's not coming. So she should just go to Paradise and be happy, but she thinks, No, I have to wait here! 


And she even contacted the person once and everything! 
It's not written in a way that's sad outright, but it's very melancholy when you think about it. Very sad. 




So that's 7. Damn it. 
I should decide on one and write it....
______________________




I was gonna ramble on about something else, but then thinking of my own incompetence drove that all away and now I got nothing. 


I'm sorry my posts are so pointless. 


I'll try to do better from now on.........












I'm sorry. 
Now that I think about it, it's been a while since *laugh* guy and smart/cold one were here.....

In Which I Ramble About Things of No Consequence and Somehow Become Bitter About Total Lack of Comments.

(Become bitter? I barely got comments from the start! I've been bitter!)


It's been almost a week, so I decided I may as well post again.


I'm almost done rewriting chapter 3 of my webcomic, and I promise I will have it up here as soon as I get a scanner. And that day, ladies and gentlemen, shall be soon. *Nods*
My grandparents on my mother's side are more than fairly well-off (My grandfather built a bridge somewhere in Southeast Asia, I think. His name's on it, too, so I wanna go there and tell passersby, That's my grandpa!) That's not to say insanely rich, but they have money, and they are going to give me (and my bro) 50 dollars more for an allowance every month! Fifty! Five, zero, fifty! So, I already got 30 a month, and 50 plus 30 is 80! A whopping 80 bucks a month! (Hey, that's a lot to me, okay?) 


But, this month I went and bought that Black Butler shirt from Hot Topic (Idk if I mentioned that yet, but I LOVE it. It's hanging on the easel in my room right now. Sebby, I love you~~) and I went and got volume 2 of Black Butler, and the first two volumes of the Spice and Wolf novels, so now, I have... very little money. So, I'll probably buy it next month, or the month after.


So you guys should be happy.
Webcomic. :)
Actually, I don't know if any of you will like it... It's not like the horrible comic I did for the newspaper in 8th grade (I think I would have done better if I did it as 4-panel comics, though.... I really liked it, too.......) but the humor style is similar, I guess. I mean, it's written by, you know, moi, the same person who did that horrible humanoid-fox-tries-to-take-over-the-world thing, but there's no world conquest in this one! 




But at the end of chapter one, I introduced a character I don't particularly like... I know, I created him, so I should love him like my own child, but I don't.... like him. I wasn't even thinking when I drew him, but I don't think when I'm drawing any character. 


The main character was developed as he was because I wanted the parting in his hair on the right. The female main character is how she is because I wanted twin tails and something that looks like a hanbok. I should probably put more thought into my character designs. But I'll talk (write?) more about that when I actually put the comic up.


But I'm really quite surprised. No one is opposed to a webcomic? 
Well, granted that no one seemed to particularly want a webcomic, either... am I being self-centered in doing this? I mean, First and foremost, a blog should be written for myself. I didn't start this with the intent of getting people to read the horrors I crap out on this blog. I don't want to be famous in the blogging world, and I'm not so terribly interesting that I feel that the world should know my views. I write this to pass time, to... well... It's the closest thing to a journal I have, and every time I tried to keep a diary, I quit after two weeks. It's amazing this thing lasted this long.


And then as many as 9 people were kind enough (foolish enough?) to like my writing and follow this blog. So, I guess that I should value your opinions more. (I quit talking in Japanese so much, see?) 


So, I guess I should take no news as good news and just assume you're all cool with a webcomic and just put it up here, and then take it down after a couple weeks due to plummeting ratings. Nah, that implies it would have had ratings higher than 0 in the first place. (Should I just take no news as news so bad, no one can find it in their hearts to break it to me? Am I just reading too much into this?) 


But I was wondering how I should do it. The first page of every chapter has one strip, and then some kind of drawing underneath. The rest of the pages have two running horizontally. Gah, and I did it like a regular 4-koma thing, so it reads right to left... I can always flip it. (It'd be a pain, but I'd find a way to do it.) 


So, should I do one page a week, a few pages a week, one page a day (gah, I'd have to think of more quickly)...? 


I was thinking a few pages a week. Is that okay? Heck, I doubt anyone's gonna answer. I'll assume you'll give me the obvious answer (meaning no answer [thanks for being so vocal, guys!]) and just do it the way I plan to. 

Generation gaps, yaoi paddles, screamo, trees and-- wtf, I have a 9th follower!!!!!

Hi.


Again, I should not be here right now.
"No computer until you're done you're homework!!" 
Was what my mother told me in a voice that was more of a naggy yelling voice than a telling voice, but she communicated to me that I must not use the internet unless I need to for my homework until all of my summer work has been completed.


I'm done everything assigned by school... there's just all this crap my parents assigned.


But I'm almost done.


____________________________


I opened up blogger, and I saw "9 followers"
Eh?
Eto....
................................................................................


So, now I extend a warm welcome to pdelacruz, and I thank you for following my blog, and I kinda wonder why you did... but that's not to say you should unfollow! This blog is all on a "read at your own risk"/"hell, no one's gonna read it anyway" basis. So, stick around, comment a couple times when you want to laugh at me, or berate me for being such an idiot. 


And I don't know how much of my blog you've read as of yet, but please take note that I don't mean most of what I say. I write completely on spur of the moment, I almost never edit my writing, and I tend to repeat myself. A lot. 


So, thank you, and 


You have been warned!!!




~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




When I think about how my generation's turning out, I think, "damnit, we suck" and I wonder how much worse humans can get, and whether we'll get any better. There was a time when respect for your elders was standard, when humans were supposed to be more human and less... human. o.o Okay, ignore that. 


Anyway, kids are always being told by their parents, "you know, in my day, -insert lame, long-winded story about childhood here-... so you should stop mouthing off/cussing/texting/facebooking/tweeting/drinking/doing drugs/etc, etc and start acting like a well-to-do, good human being!"


Do you think there'll ever be a day when a man turns to his son and says, "Son. You are...
a boring, pompous, overly-prudent excuse for a boy! Quit being such a stiff and start living! Go out and party! Live life! Make decisions that will f**** up your life and you will regret forever!" 


Nah, that's probably never gonna happen, but what's gonna happen when teenagers hit the lowest level of asshole-ness? They'll get better, right? Or maybe humans can actually be a lot worse than I think and humans all die out before they get the chance to be better. 


```````````````````````````````````




In manga, you see that yankee stereotype a lot. Basically, the Japanese equivalent of kids who'd be in gangs (just, as you can imagine, in real life, they're no where near as badass). So in gang fights, there'd be your usual weapons. Baseball bats, crowbars, possibly a knife or two.


So, what if there was a yankee fujoshi, would her weapon be a yaoi paddle?




(A yaoi paddle is basically a large paddle, and you hit people on the rear with it. They have 'yaoi' written on either side, and some have "seme" on one side, used to hit hard, and 'uke' on the other, used to hit lightly. It got so bad, they're banned from conventions. I've never seen one or even been to a con, but they look painful.)


__________________________


I think that singers whose voices I actually like have voices that can make you drowsy if you're tired no matter what the song is. Whether it's an upbeat k-pop song, or something that might resemble rock, ballads, blues, it's this really really soothing voice, and it makes you really calm, and if you just woke up, kinda sleepy.


Like Sung Si Kyung or Tony An. They could probably do punk rock or hip hop and they'd still have that kinda of voice. 


(I'm usually too lazy to go find examples, but I went ahead and did so.
Sung Si Kyung: 미소천사  and 외워두세요
Tony An: 유추프라카치아
You guys are probably too lazy or busy to go look for them yourselves.) 


So then, I wondered.... what would they sound like doing screamo?


______________________


You know, after all these years, I finally get why the main character in the Pokemon anime... was named "Ash"


The Ketchum part was pretty straightforward. 
But Ash.
Why Ash?
I get how you'd go from Takeshi to Brock, how you'd get from Kasumi to Misty. But.... Ash?


But I finally get it.


Every professor in Pokemon was named after a tree.
Professor Oak, Professor Ivy, Professor Birch, Cedar, Redwood, Dogwood, Sycamore, Maple. 
And ash is a type of tree.


So I finally get it. 


I finally get why Ash was named Ash.
I feel like such a genius.


But that gets immediately cancelled out by the fact that
1) It took me this long to figure it out and 
2) I even care. 
  


(I just realized it's Friday the 13th. Should I even care? Ah well.
HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13th!!! MAY YOU NOT BE EATEN BY DEMONS TODAY!!!!)
There's such thing as a phobia of today.
Friggatriskaidekaphobia.
Long word. :)

Do do do dou demo ii (nara ii na.)

Hey.


I haven't been doing summer homework, so my mother banned me from the computer until I finish. 


So I really shouldn't even be here.


Oh well.


I've worked out a schedule for the work I'll do, so I'll be finished by Saturday or Sunday.
But I really do hate homework. I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it.


_______________


For some reason, I remembered something from when I was in third grade... A friend and I were talking during recess. Let's call her K-chan.  She told me that she walked into this room in some store and she saw this porno mag. On the cover was a woman giving a guy a blow job. But we were only eight, so she described it as the girl drinking his pee. 


Funny how things are perceived when you're tiny and ignorant. 


______________________


I know I try to sound philosophical and whatever, but I wonder what determines whether you're an adult or not.


Is it age? Experience? How much your body's matured? 


Cuz what if there's a middle-aged man who has had no life experience whatsoever? Is he still an adult? Or if a twelve year old has gone through suffering that most people see in a life time? Or if he's 40 and has the body of an eight year old? Or if an eight year old had the body of a forty year old? 


Now that I've written this down, I feel like it sounds stupid. 
But I really think there are a lot of adults out there who aren't really adults. I don't really think there's as much of a black and white line between "child" and "grown-up" as people like to make it seem. I don't really think there's a kid out there who's a complete child, either.


And another thing. Bless Me, Ultima is a coming of age novel, right? So the kid comes of age when he's eight? How scary....
_____________




I feel like my blog posts have gotten a lot shorter since I first started this blog a year and a half ago. And my writing was horrible. 
And all I talked about was anime.... Uwah, and to think I actually somehow got followers.... 
I really didn't expect to get one after my first post.... I thought this thing would be a little unknown expanse of poorly-written drivel for at least a year. 


I guess I should go ahead and thank my followers.... Thank you for making me feel like there are people who acknowledge my existence. :)


___________________
If/when I finally get a scanner and put up a webcomic, would you guys rather it be in color or black and white? 


Hopefully there will be comments.... It'll probably end up with random black and white and random color pages... cuz I get lazy, and then I feel like coloring it... 






I found this one youtube meme (still not completely sure what that is...) for a song called Dou demo ii by Miku Hatsune, the vocaloid. I'm not sure if I should expect you to know who that is.... I feel like I'm the only person my age who doesn't spend most of my time on YouTube. 


Anyway, the song basically repeated "I don't care" many, many times.
Really, it means, "it's fine either way" I guess.... I usually say that in most situations, but, you know what?


It's be nice if that were true.