I have another follower

Gah, for some reason, whenever I want to write "another" I keep writing "a nother" not even "an other."

Nother isn't even a word. 
Or maybe it is.
Well, not a word, but a name.
Hm.


Anyway, the thingy on my dashboard said "13 followers" but when I clicked on it, it said 12. Either wait, I have a new follower
So.


Welcome to my blog, Nurul Adilla Mohd Roslan.
I kind of have to wonder, what kind of insane, unstable cynic are you??
But then I realize, what the hey, another follower.
So welcome. :)
And please don't be scared off by my horrid writing.




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At first I forgot what else I wanted to write about, but I just remembered.
Caramel Apples.


Yesterday, I ate my first caramel apple ever. In my life.
When I was a kid, I'd always wanted to try one, but then my mother would rant about how it'll spoil my teeth, sugar is bad for you, you'll get fat, you won't do well if you sit around stuffing your face all day, you have enough things as it is, why need a caramel apple, if you keep talking like this you'll be a failure at life, etc, etc-- *breath*-- and so I just dropped it and after a while, even when I got my own money, and when I saw one, it was just kinda... hmmm a caramel apple. Looks nice.


Kinda like when you're looking at jewelry and you see something really nice and really expensive and you think, Oh, how pretty, but you don't even feel sad that you can't buy it cuz you know it's part of a different world, a world in which you don't belong.


But yesterday, Newspaper-sensei was kind enough to make some and I ate one and it was wonderful~


And yeah, saying "wonderful" probably isn't like me, but it was really nice.

I just remembered the third thing I was going to write about on my last post.

Sooo....


*silence*


Heh, you have a "silence" button on there, too?


Er... not really... I just didn't press anything.


Then why was there that "*silence*" thing up there?


Probably to show that there was a pause.


If you want, I could do crickets!


*cricket* *cricket*


Oi, I didn't even tell a joke!


Anyway.
It seems.
That.
They.
Have. 
Given.
A--


Oh, just tell us already!!


I'm not even telling you guys. You guys are in my head. You should already know.


I think she was just voicing what your readers must be thinking


Whatever.


Anyway.
Did you know they put up an age restriction on trick-or-treating? 
Some states said 20, others said 12.
Guess what Texas said!
12.
So my friends are quite bummed out. 
Poor things.
of course, I haven't done any trick-or-treating since 5th grade, so this does not affect me.
but it's a bit amusing, eh?
Well, some of my friends are short. They can pretend to be 12-year-olds and take candy? 
IDK.


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You know, it turns out one of my favorite singers, with one of the mildest voice and songs out there (well, not a mild voice, but it has this soft air, get what I mean?) has this one song, and some of the lyrics were a bit disturbing. 


With the help of aheeya.com, I translated the lyrics and I got this:

title-Smiling Angel

artist-Sung Si-Kyung

You make my heart keep pumpin'

I can't stop my self lovin' you

Geez, I think I have a crush on you

Tell me that you love me I cannot stand that you're never mine

You really break my heart

Even when I'm angry, if I just see your smile... the idiot I am

You're too pretty to anyone who sees you, like a tempting apple

I want to bite you, I want to hold you

Getting hit by your arrow of pink light

You're too kind to people, so everyone's deceived 

If you haven't forgotten you're my lover

Quit being so mischievious around me

I get so jealous and I can't think striaght-- I'm so uneasy

Tell me that you love me I cannot stand that you're never mine

You really break my heart

Even when I'm angry, when I see your smiling face... The idiot I am

(Rap)

Ya break my heart feeling blue got no clue 

don't wanna leave ya 

i want to conceive ya come to my complete mind

Come with me and fill my empty heart, just stay with me

I'm looking at you, along with my empty heart, stay with me

I threw out your yellowing picture in my wallet, don't hide it

Even if you become wrinkled, I won't mind. You're like an angel

I want to hide you so no one can see you

Can't you be a doll just for me?

I worked so hard so you'd come to me. I don't wat to forget you

I feel so uneasy

Tell me that you love me I cannot stand that you're never mine

You really break my heart

Even when I'm angry, when I see your smiling face... The idiot I am

Tell me that you love me I cannot stand that you're never mine

You really break my heart

Even when I'm angry, when I see your smiling face... The idiot I am

Tell me that you love me I cannot stand that you're never mine

You really break my heart

Even when I'm angry, when I see your smiling face... The idiot I am

Now, please direct your attention to the first and second lines of the third verse.

"You're like a tempting apple. I want to bite you."

Isn't that just a little bit... o.o

ANd then the last line of the third-to-last verse.

Can't you be a doll just for me, it says.

Doesn't that sound just a little bit... scary? Not scary, per se, but... you know...

I mean, I'm sure it's better than the first opening to Higurashi, or Alice Human Sacrifice

But still. It kinda makes me think of this one song by the vocaloid Kaito, Sweets Devil, I think. The apple part at least. I'd link to it, but I think I've linked you to enough disturbing songs as is.

Still, I still love this song. I just won't be able to hear that line without laughing for a while. :D

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^Ice cream. Well, today was a bit cold for ice cream.

I really want ice cream right now, but I'm too scared to go out into the living room. Cuz I need to cut through there to get to the kitchen. Cuz my mother's mad at me. I mean, she's been mad at me before, and she's made it clear that even if she's mad at me, if I'm hungry, she's okay with me coming out from my rock and getting something to eat. 

But it's still scary.

I was so hungry a while ago and I went out to the living room (she already gave me diner, but I wanted more afterwards, but I was too scared to ask for more ;A;) but then I saw my parents on the couch, my father watching TV, and my mother on the computer. I kinda stood by my door for almost a minute, clenched my fists and tried to take a step forward.

As I lifted my foot, my dad turned his head to look at me. I was like "OH SHIT!" and nearly cried in fear and ran back into my room to hide under my rock until I could stop shivering. Not that my dad would do anything to me, but it was scary~~~~~~~~~

AND I WANT ICE CREAM!!!! 

TT.TT

Aah, what do I dooooooooooooooooooooooooooo???????????????????

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So much ice cream... BUT I STILL CAN'T GET ANY! 

D:>

*cries*

Nietzsche, Snobbishness and something else I'll hopefully remember later

I recently learned that the annoying phrase "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger" was Frederich Nietzsche. I personally hate that quote.


Instead of "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger," shouldn't it be "What doesn't kill me makes it easier for the next person"? 


*laugh*
____________________






I also recently learned of why my old English class thought I moved classes.
They just went and randomly changed my schedule. I didn't want that. Truth be told, I don't like my new English class.


However, my friend in my old English class (as in the only one there) told me that when she was talking to another classmate, and when the conversation turned to me somehow, it was like "Oh, that Asian who moved cuz she's too smart for us, huh?"
   My friend was like, "Noo... She moved because they messed up her schedule."
   "Hm." (probably doesn't believe her)


What I don't get is why that person thought that. I never acted cocky or overbearing at all last year. (My old class had most of the people from last year). I was just quiet and barely talked. And I guess they thought that, Oh, since she's smart, she must be an arrogant bitch, too.


but I don't get how someone would just think that about someone. I wasn't even that "smart" in that class? Was it because I'm Asian?


Still, it really bothered me. A lot. Boo.


And there was something else I wanted to write about, but I think I don't care anymore. I'll probably remember it in a few hours and finally write about it in a month.

Yudan Sezu ni Ikou

Don't let your guard down.
A favorite line of Tezuka Kunimitsu, captain of Seigaku tennis team in Prince of Tennis.
Literally, it means, "let's go without letting down our guard" but whatever.


And I should have kept this in mind.
But.
But progress reports cam out.
And my mother asked to see it.
And I know it's only a progress report, but I got an 85, a 77 and a 75.
And the rest were all 50s.
Nah, the rest were all 90s. That was just a pitiful attempt at a joke to try to alleviate this situation and maybe bring some humor to it.
But there is no humor.


Cuz if I have a C in a class, and we only have a week left to get in grades for the report card, what are my chances of getting those awful, awful C's to A's?
And if I have a big project worth 20% of my final grade, and I get an A on that, what are my chances?
Slim?
Thought so.
None at all?
Meh, I suspected. (She said, fighting back tears)


And my mother told me last 6 weeks that if I didn't get those Bs to As, she'd just give up on me and we'd move to Katy. And the schools are better there, but only because there are so many Asians. So it'd be really competitive. And I'd probably do very badly. But, my brother would probably do well, and we'd get to live in a house, and there'd be more space, and we wouldn't be in a crowded city, etc, etc. We'd all be happy. Meaning I have to give up my chances to make room for them? Probably.


And after seeing my heinous sin of a progress report, my parents discussed it openly in front of my brother, and loudly enough for me to hear through my closed door. This worries me.


One or two small slip-ups, a misreading of instructions, neglect of reading a chapter, and suddenly, BAM, you have Cs! Can't God just be nice to me? He stuck me with great parents and a great brother, but that's all he's ever done for me. I haven't been very lucky lately. Nothing's been working out for me. Can't I be forgiven for a couple (thousand slipups?)


Sure, my tone may be a bit ironic, but I assure you, this situation is not very ironic or humorous at all for me. 


I suppose I could do the "I'm just a kid" or "I'm only human" speech and shriek about how, Oh, can't you forgive me for screwing up once or twice (this week)? Or, Damn, it's only grades. I don't need no edumacation. I can do good all bah mahself. Or, Oh, poo, life sucks. This is all so totally insane and pointless. This is so depressing. Heck, this is so depressing, I'll go wear black lipstick and eyeliner and go write poetry about abysses and chasms and other big, deep holes! 


But you've probably heard that so many times already. So I won't waste my breath. (Breath?) Yeah. Breath. I don't care if that doesn't fit this situation. I really, really don't care. You get the point, anyway, cuz, unlike me, you're not idiots.


Also, because I've been brooding so much, I kinda started wanting to write a psychological-type story about a person who goes and kills a bunch of people because... well... who knows why? But then I start to scare myself again and I just leave that alone.


But this really is very depressing.
I always say I should have a low self-esteem but I have a high one, but I probably do have a low self-esteem, but I won't even let myself admit it even when I'm completely isolated.


Oh, poo. This is so depressing, I think I'll start wearing black lipstick and write poems about abysses, chasms and other big, deep holes!

Photographers and Speech Patterns

There was something else I was planning on talking about, but I forgot what it was, so it probably wasn't important.


That's the argument my dad would always make when we wanted to tell him something and forgot it.


But that's bull.


Well, since it was for this blog, no, it wasn't so significant, but it still bothers me.


Anyway, TWO POSTS in TWO CONSECUTIVE DAYS!! Don't get used to it. Srsly.


Yesterday, a photographer from yearbook came to worknights (I forgot about it yesterday, k?) and took photos for, of course, yearbook.


And I was one of 2 sophomores on the staff, so she went and took pictures of me.
I hated it. I hate having my photo taken.


When she was taking photos of the other staff members, she'd be standing on the oh-so-stable computer desks, leaning over the new macs, lying on the floor, doing a bunch of stuff to get a good shot.
Someone should take photos of her.
__________________________________________


I've started to be a lot nicer to people. I haven't been as biting or mean to them lately. It's weird.


And my voice has gotten deeper, and I'm talking a lot more slowly. I must be going crazy.


and then I ran out of what I planned on writing, which actually seemed like a lot in my head. hm.












On another completely unrelated note, I'm reading a book called the Invisible Gorilla.